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to be quenched, for, stirring in his sleep, he had heard her sobs and
murmured tenderly,
'Hush, my darling ... you mustn't cry. ...' And his arm had come about her
and stayed there through the night.
If she could keep him here, if, when he woke, they could talk, in this intimate
situation, all would be explained, all their problems and misunderstandings
resolved. And so she waited patiently until he stirred. But his first act was to
remove his arm abruptly, and before Janis had time to frame her words he
had left her side and was putting on his dressing-gown. Urgently, for it
seemed he intended leaving her without a word, she whispered in gentle
pleading tones,
'Perry ... stay with me. I want you to stay ' Her words were stemmed by the
contempt in his eyes as he stood by the bed, looking down at her. But she
persevered, although with painful difficulty. 'If you would stay we could talk
and - and we might be able to put things right between us. ...' Her voice,
already low and subdued, trailed off into silence, for never had she seen such
harshness in his glance.
'You believe that possible - after last night?'
Her eyes filled up. That was his fault. She had wanted it to be so beautiful.
She tried to tell him, but his expression remained so cold, and all she said
was,
'We could forget that, Perry ... and begin again.'
He shook his head.
'Neither of us will ever forget it.' He spoke with bitterness, and ... could it be
regret? 'No, my dear, last night, if nothing else, should have convinced you
that things can never be right between us.'
She flinched, yet again recalled those words, so tenderly spoken in his sleep,
and she went on again, still with that gentle perseverance,
'If we tried - if we tried to find a way. ...' Her whole body sagged. Perry was
moved neither by the silent pleading in her eyes nor the anguish in her voice.
Without another word he turned and left the room.
The door clicked, with a terrible finality, and Janis's first impulse was to
leave the Manor, as Perry had told her to last evening, but again his gentle
words intruded 'Hush, my darling ... you mustn't cry. ...' He must feel
something for her. Time might close the rift between them. Bravely she
resolved to stay.
CHAPTER TEN
FOR the next few days Janis saw very little of Perry, but when they did meet,
usually at dinner time, his manner on the surface was one of cool politeness,
yet Janis sensed an underlying hurt within himself, and a deep regret. This
latter puzzled her, for although she knew it was concerned with his action in
coming to her, she could not tell whether he regretted his treatment of her or
whether his regret resulted from the fact that there could now be no
annulment. If this were the case, then there was no hope for their marriage,
even though they were irrevocably bound together. But if the former were
the case, and he was sorry for hurting her, then there was a hope of happiness
for them. But how was she to find out? Knowing him so well, aware as she
was of his deep and innate pride, she despaired of his ever coming to her
again.
And because she must find out, because she wanted so desperately that their
marriage would succeed, Janis decided to sink her own pride and go to him.
He would either accept her, treating her as a loving husband should, or . ..
Janis refused to dwell on the alternative.
However, despite her firm resolve she found difficulty in approaching him
and another week passed before a suitable opportunity arose. Perry had been
rather less cool in his manner towards her when, after dinner, they sat
together in the playroom. This slight relaxation of his attitude gave her
courage, and hope. And when, later, she knocked timidly and opened the
door between their rooms her embarrassment was submerged by the
optimism which this new attitude of his had given her.
He was standing, fully dressed, looking down at a book that lay open on the
table by his bed. He turned in some surprise, his eyes travelling up from her
bare feet to the whiteness of her shoulder where the strap of her nightdress
had fallen away on to her arm.
'What is it, Janis? Is something wrong?'
A slight shake of her head answered him as she came forward into the room
to stand before him, small and pale and rather scared. But in spite of the
hammering of her heart she faced him bravely and her voice was steady
when she spoke. In simple words she told him why she had come, looking
up with a wide and steadfast gaze and waiting with an ache of almost
physical pain for his reaction, for him to hold out his arms to her; waiting to
see the look of relief and thankfulness that she had made the move which he
himself could never do.
But as his expression changed, as his eyes moved insultingly over her, the
last remnant of hope fled, yet she became supported by a new element of
pride which suddenly entered into her. She was able to face him
unflinchingly, to hold his contemptuous gaze until it fell beneath her own.
'I shan't try again, Perry. This is the first time I've come to you and it will be
the last '
'The first time you've come to me, yes ' He paused for a moment as if
determined that his words should sink in .. . and wound. 'But it's not the first
time you've come - like this - to offer your favours, is it, Janis ?'
'What do you mean?' All innocence, she stared at him in blank
bewilderment.
'Have you forgotten why you were dismissed from your post?'
'Arthur ...?' The insinuation staggered her. 'You said you believed me. You
can't go back on your word. You did believe me, Perry. You were so
emphatic about that.'
He shifted uneasily; Janis had the impression that he knew he should take
back those words, and yet he seemed at the same time to be driven by some
force stronger than himself.
'Perhaps... but what about your young friend George? What was your
relationship with him?'
To her dismay the colour flooded her cheeks; her mind became confused and
she spoke in tones of urgent desperation, without considering her words.
'That was nothing - oh, you must believe me! We only - that is, he only '
Janis put a trembling hand to her mouth and her husband prompted softly,
'Yes? He only . .. what?' He was waiting; she had gone too far now to retract
and she admitted, reluctantly, that George had kissed her.
Until now Perry's manner had been contemptuous but controlled; he had
seemed only mildly interested in the situation in which Janis herself was so
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