[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
lizard. He shook the lizard. It seemed to him that something rattled inside.
Bill put the lizard between his two palms and began to squeeze, thinking he
could open the thing up and get Illyria out.
The lizard uncurled. "Hey, stop that!" the Chinger cried, in a voice so
high-pitched as to border on the
file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Har...0-%20The%20Planet%20of%20Bottl
ed%20Brains.htm (84 of 122) [10/16/2004 2:56:56 PM]
Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Bottled Brains supersonic.
"Who's talking?" Bill asked.
"A Chinger, that's who," the Chinger said. "What did you think I was,
Deathwish Drang?"
"How did you learn about my old sergeant, now dead, name of Deathwish Drang?"
Bill asked.
"We're not so dumb; small and green maybe, but not dumb," the Chinger said.
"It might be called, in one of the older languages, Saurian saichel; that's
what we've got. Look, do you mind if I get out of here? I
told your Military Intelligence that I'd cooperate when I came over after the
sack of Trasker, but really, this is a bit much. It was bad enough having to
carry that weirdo agent in my head "
"Do you mean CIA?" Bill asked.
"I think he said that was his name. It was bad enough having to carry him
around, but when the dame came aboard too, I thought to myself, I knew
treachery was going to involve sacrifices, but really, this is too much. And
so I told them both to vacate and that was that. I turfed them out."
The Chinger jumped down from Bill's palm and began to scuttle toward the tall
grass.
"Where are you going?" Bill asked.
The Chinger stopped. "I don't know. They told me they'd send in a team to get
me out after I'd completed my mission."
"Your military intelligence mission?"
"Of course, what else would I be talking about?"
"Maybe they don't know you're here," Bill said. "If you go off into the woods
here on Tsuris, they might never find you."
The traitorous Chinger stopped and considered. "You could be right. What did
you have in mind?"
Page 86
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
"I need to get back, too," Bill said. "We both work for the same people. You
for intelligence, me for the military. Good friends, no?"
"I suppose so. Unless you're a traitor to Earth, in which case it is my duty
to wipe you out."
"I'm no traitor," Bill said with some heat. "You're the traitor, remember."
"Yeah, that's right," the Chinger said. "No ambiguity about that, is there?"
He laughed bitterly. "All right, shall we combine forces; is that it?"
"Sure," Bill said, his expression betraying the fact that he didn't believe a
renegade Chinger the size of a pea would be of much help in what lay ahead.
But you never knew.
"OK. Just give me a moment to get back to size and I'll show you what I can
do."
The lizard came out into the open, spread his four feet firmly on the ground,
and began a series of breathing exercises. His neck began to swell, and the
wattles stood out straight like small inflated balloons. He released his
breath and began again. Bill could see that the little lizard was visibly
growing, its crinkly skin stretching to accommodate the newly acquired bulk
that the little reptile was putting on.
This went on, a series of rhythmic breathing exercises, each more powerful
than the last, until the Chinger had regained its previous seven-inch length.
"That's better," the Chinger said. "I hate having to operate at the minimum
design length for my species.
Seven inches is much more comfortable, and keeps me in touch with other large
animals, rather than little ones like rotifers and parameciae. Now then, let's
see that foot."
"What are you talking about? What are you going to do with my foot?"
"Calm yourself," the Chinger said, his voice calm and reassuring. "I am a
doctor."
"You? A doctor?"
"Didn't you think our culture has doctors? No more nonsense, now. Let me see
the foot?"
file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Har...0-%20The%20Planet%20of%20Bottl
ed%20Brains.htm (85 of 122) [10/16/2004 2:56:56 PM]
Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Bottled Brains
Something about the Chinger's air of assurance convinced Bill that, whatever
else the Chinger might or might not be, a doctor he definitely was. He held
out his foot, other hand on the laser pistol he had borrowed from Mr Splock,
just in case the Chinger should try anything disgusting.
But the Chinger merely examined the alligator foot in a professional manner,
tapped toenails in a delicate but entirely professional manner, and stepped
back.
"As fine a case of pseudosaurianism as I've ever seen."
"What's that?" Bill asked.
"It means that your alligator foot is not a real alligator foot. It is an
artificial covering."
"But why would anyone do that to me?"
"Brace yourself," the Chinger said. "I will get to the bottom of this at
once."
The Chinger bent once again over Bill's claw. His snout, with its many razor
sharp and needle-pointed teeth, ripped open the side of the foot.
"Hey!" Bill cried, blinking with astonishment because the Chinger's action had
caused him no pain at all.
"Here we go," the Chinger said. Taking a firm grip on Bill's toes, with one
cunning flick of his tail, and a corresponding movement throughout his body,
he tore away the alligator foot.
Bill shouted in alarm and reached for his laser pistol. It wasn't there. The
Chinger had taken advantage of his distraction to snatch it away.
Bill looked down at his foot, aghast. The Chinger had ripped away the old foot
Page 87
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
entirely, revealing, beneath it, a large fist-shaped mass with pink
fingernails. The foot mass straightened out, revealing itself as a foot very
similar to Bill's other foot but colored pink rather than tan and being clean
rather than dirty.
As the foot uncurled, Bill could see a little strip of paper wedged between
two toes.
"It was merely an oversight," the Chinger said. "The surgeons who put in your
foot bud didn't reveal to you that they had protected the growing foot with a
covering of alligator tissue to enable the growing bud to reach full size
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]