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when their friends would drop over. They were ashamed of the way I looked and this broke my heart and
was a real source of grief to me. Because of this, I was very shy and extremely self conscious.
All of my brothers and sisters had received college educations while I had been locked away in a foreign
convent, praying for lost humanity, and pouring out my blood for the sins of the world. Somehow it did not
seem fair.
After I was able to be up in a wheel chair and could walk a little, one of my sisters set up appointments
with a beautician for scalp treatments. However, when they put hot towels and oil on my head I passed out,
because I was so sick. Months of continued treatments were finally successful and one day the hair began
to grow back. After I had become more presentable, my relatives began to purchase expensive clothing for
me and I had to learn how to act, how to wear clothes, etc., all over again.
When I grew steadily worse, my Dad did eventually consent to my going cross-country over 600 miles, to
stay with my Uncle John. For a year I lived there but still had very little hair on my head. This was a source
of much shame and embarrassment to me and I became somewhat of a recluse. One day my uncle asked me
to visit some neighbors with him but I bolted for my bedroom, fearful of being around other people.
However, when I realized this hurt him, I changed my mind, dressed and went with him. A few days later,
he asked me to pick up a package from these neighbors and for the first time I went out alone.
After walking a couple of blocks, I sensed something was wrong for someone was following me. When I
whirled around, there were four big men close behind me. One called me by my convent name, warning me
not to move nor make a sound. I was paralyzed with that old terror so much that I could not move. They
closed in quickly on each side; picked me up and pitched me into their car between the front and back seats.
As they sped away I was forced to lie on the floor and they covered me with a dirty rug when I begged for
mercy. As I was held down under their feet and fear gripped me, I listened and realized that these were
actually four Catholic priests in civilian clothing. We drove all night and through all the next day and night.
The following morning we entered the suburbs of a large city and pulled to the curb. I was aching all over
and cramped from being forced to lie prone on the floorboard during this wild drive.
I had no idea where we were but when I was allowed to sit up I slowly stretched my cramped muscles and
aching back. I stiffened with horror when I saw we had parked in front of a convent. My heart sank and I
shook in terror. I wished I had not gotten up at all. Desperately I prayed to the Virgin Mary for a heart
attack and then called on St. Jude, St. Bartholomew and every other patron saint I could remember.
They dragged me from the automobile, one on each side, and instead of entering the convent, they marched
me blocks and blocks down the street. At last, walking on my toes with downcast eyes, I was guided upon
the porch of the priest's home, next door to a large Roman Catholic church.
They hustled me inside, down a hallway, through the kitchen, and then down into the basement. There a
secret, locked door opened to reveal a tunnel which led straight back, many blocks underground, to the
convent! As usual, they had sneaked me in leaving no trail, in case we were observed. As always, they were
out to deceive the world and hide their dark and evil deeds.
22
At the end of the long tunnel there was another door but no way to open it. However, one of the priests
knew exactly where the secret button was located and when he pressed it, the big, heavy door swung
silently open. Behind it Mother Superior stood waiting. Her cruel face was grim and set as she snapped,
"Bring her in." I had seen those merciless looks many times before and it was like the rerun of a thousand
other horrifying nightmares of pain and suffering.
Mother Superior led the way without a word to another room and harshly ordered me to prostrate myself on
the floor. I had no choice but to obey, as I had so many hundred of times before. Mother Superior tapped a
bell and two nuns suddenly appeared and one set a strange looking object on the floor beside me. She
handed the sisters each a piece of rope and they bound my hands and feet securely. They were quiet
efficient and obviously had much experience in doing this.
The object on the floor was a plumber's blow torch, but I had never seen one and did not know what it was.
Mother gave a quick order and a nun lit it. One nun got under my shoulders, the other at my ankles, and
they lifted me up. Mother Superior came and stood over me demanding that I say I was sorry for my
wickedness, recant for running away from the convent, and promise I would never run away again.
I knew I would run away again at the first opportunity and would never make such a promise. From long
experience I was aware that I faced hurt and torture no matter what I said or did not say. There was no
mercy or escape regardless of promises. I was an old hand at understanding the duplicity, lies, hypocrisy
and treachery in a convent. Everything was designed to deceive and entrap the unwary. There was
absolutely no way to win a fair hearing or trial.
When a Mother Superior dies, they always have three or four replacements, one of which can take her
place. Always they are chosen for their hard, cruel and inhuman disregard for suffering and misery and lack
of compassion. She must have proven herself totally loyal to the system with all its rottenness and must
even relish and enjoy all the gross practices.
Mother made her demands three times and I met them with grim silence. She gave the order to lower my
body down on the torch. Naturally I screamed and struggled, bucking and pitching, trying to escape the
merciless fire on my back. When my clothing caught fire I was writhing and shrieking in agony as the flesh
sizzled and blistered while the relentless and emotionless sisters held me firmly over the fire. Finally
Mother Superior decided I had burned enough for now and rolled me in a filthy rug to smother the flames. I
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